addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
