my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
