I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
