even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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