I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
