I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
