kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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