haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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