im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
