I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
