I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
