His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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