im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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