I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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