i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
