Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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