Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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