I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
