So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize