Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
