Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
