Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize