did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
