So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
