I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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