How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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