what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
