I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
