It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
