Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
