yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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