My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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