Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
