i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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