so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
