I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
