New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
