Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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