I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize