My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i drank out of a bidet.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
