Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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