Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
