Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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