That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
