miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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