Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
