We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize