Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
