She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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