My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
