Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
