remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
