I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you will always have a special place in my vag
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
