if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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