so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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