It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize