VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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