I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
