You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Pants are for mortals
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
