HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
