she woke up with a sticky ear
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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