Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
