I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
