Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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