Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize