I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
