Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
